It’s Got a V12: Jaguar XJ-12 (XJ81)
A Celebration of Cylinders
This is It’s Got a V12—a celebration of the noble excess that is the twelve-cylinder engine. We are not here to sell you on one. We are not here to recommend them. We are simply here to marvel at their sheer, unhinged glory.
You know what no one asked for in the mid-1990s? A British luxury sedan with twelve cylinders. But Jaguar did it anyway. And bless them for it.
Because owning, or merely admiring, a V12 car is a special kind of madness. It's a handshake deal with fate that says, “This will cost me dearly, but at least I’ll be smiling when it breaks.”
First up: the Jaguar XJ-12. Specifically, the XJ81 generation (1994–1996). That brief, brilliant moment when Jaguar stuffed their aging V12 into a modernized XJ body, hit “send,” and hoped for the best.
The Purring Menace
At its core, the XJ-12’s 6.0-liter V12 was a relic of Jaguar’s racing glory days, refined over decades and slotted into a car that looked like it belonged outside a country estate—or parked illegally in the alley behind a jazz club.
Output hovered around 301 horsepower, which sounds modest now, but back then it meant “respectable pace” if you didn’t mind a bit of British drama under the bonnet. The magic wasn’t in the numbers, though. It was in how it delivered them. You didn’t accelerate so much as ascend.
The Good
Silk and Fury: The V12 is whisper-quiet when cruising and gloriously throaty when provoked. Think butler in a punk band.
Presence: Even among the titans of the era—BMW’s E38, Mercedes’ W140—the Jag oozed aristocratic menace. It looked expensive, even when surrounded by mechanics.
Charm for Days: The interior wood may delaminate. The electronics may flicker. But the whole thing still feels like the world’s fastest leather club chair.
The Bad (Which We Secretly Love)
Electronics by Lucas, Prince of Darkness: Every warning light is just a suggestion. Or an emergency. You decide.
Maintenance: Routine service involves lifting the engine and reciting a protection spell. Only those with the strongest constitution dare ask about the cooling system.
Parts? Rare.: You’ll find them—but only after an emotional journey through six message boards and one retired Jag mechanic in Ohio.
And yet—and yet!—there’s something heroic about the whole endeavor. The XJ-12 wasn’t trying to beat the Germans at their own game. It was trying to charm its way around them with twelve flaming cylinders of gallant excess.
A Toast to Twelve
Owning an XJ-12 is not a rational act. It’s an emotional one. An indulgence. A beautiful mistake. And in a world of turbo-fours and eco modes, it’s a reminder that sometimes, more really is more.
So here’s to the Jaguar XJ-12: heavy on the drama, light on the reliability, and absolutely soaked in charisma.
It’s got a V12. That’s the story.